You know what I love just about as much as unsolicited "how to succeed in the hockey world" advice? A hot poker to the eye. But of course, I came home from a long ass day at work to a new email here at the site. It was a little unsolicited advice for how I can succeed. The advice is all over the map but the kicker was this comment:
"If you showed more cleavage on twitter, people would follow your blog more and take your hockey opinions more seriously."
It went on to say that people can't really take me seriously unless they have something interesting, like breasts, to look at. It also said that females in the hockey world need to show skin to be taken seriously. Funny, I thought it was the opposite. Gee, I bet that's exactly how Bob Mckenzie got all his hockey acclaim. It was the titties. Mystery solved. Bob just showed the world a little cleav and then the hockey world took notice. (You're all very welcome for the mental image you all have in your minds of Bob Mckenzie's cleavage.)
Since when does a photograph give you credibility? What does that say about the hockey folks that have cartoons as their avatars? It shouldn't say anything. The opinions expressed and knowledge shown should over shadow whatever photograph is next to the name. If you can't look past a person's avatar to acknowledge their hockey knowledge or opinions then you probably aren't the type of person that hockey types want to be followed by.
So the special Monday Jackhole goes to:
Mister Email Sender because objectifying myself to gain followers is not on my personal agenda.
The description and premise of this tumblr "blog" says:
I know there are fans out there who have dirty secrets, here's your place to share them. Or, not so dirty secrets. Whatever you like.
*These are all wishes, don't take it seriously. The intention is to make people laugh.*
I'm not laughing. I don't find crazy funny. I have no clue who runs this "blog" but I'm slightly disturbed by the content. Some "secrets" are as tame as a Vancouver fan confessing her love for the Wings. But some... some are crazy confessions of crazy fangirls.
I don't follow this "blog" but they tag players that I follow so all the sudden I have to see how some young girl would like Drew Miller to take her virginity. This "blog", tumblr, whatever the hell you want to call it freaks me out and I think it's slightly disgusting. The creator defends it saying that they're silly cute little wishes that girls have about situations that will never happen or something along those lines. I think it's fueling the crazy.
Anonymous nice statements about the Wings are one thing. "I'd like to meet [insert player's name]" or "I think [insert player's name] is awesome" aren't bad at all. It's the "I'd make a porno with..." or "I'd do [insert dirty act] to [insert player's name]" that are the problem.
I have stated before and I will state again. I am not blind. I can identify a player as attractive or not. However, when I walk into a rink, my first thought isn't "That's a nice piece of ass right there" or "Hang on, let me pull down my shirt so that I can get some attention from the guys!". The players may be attractive but they're not sex objects. They don't workout so that you'll notice that they have a nice ass. They work the glutes to get the extra push, the power, and the strength in the corners.
It's not my intention to make a bunch of high school girls cry. So if you're a high school girl that is about to cry because I don't like your dirty high school thoughts aired on the internet just stop yourself. And you could also stop yourself from being crazy. Love hockey for the sport, not the "sexy" men-folk that play it. If you're having trouble connecting with hockey as a sport instead of hockey as a meat market, go watch women's hockey or learn to play yourself. Fierce ladies kicking ass or kicking ass yourself will get you into the spirit of the sport.
If you're against women's hockey, playing hockey, and learning to love the sport for the sport then perhaps you are a lost crazy cause.
My only suggestion would be then to maybe just keep your "dirty little secrets" as secrets.
Under female based sports marketing schemes, any ladies reading this should automatically buy anything I attempt to sell them now because I covered the female sports marketing basics. Make it pink, make it sparkly, make it flashy, and make it ooze girlyness.
Does Jimmy Howard rock a hot pink jersey onto the ice? No. Does Nick Lidstrom dunk himself in glitter prior to every game? No. So why would I, a female fan, need or want to wear a pink or sparkly jersey? If pink and flashy shiny materials were part of the players' uniforms them maybe I'd have less of an aversion to them. But in the NHL, pink and sparkly aren't part of the jersey color-wheel.
"We wear pink to show that we're girls" Give me a break. I don't believe for one second that a woman should have to wear a pink jersey to distinguish that we are female. I wear a standard jersey and have never been mistaken for a man in my life while wearing said jersey. I would imagine if you were that adamant about showing off the fact that you have lady parts, fitted jerseys and fitted t-shirts would be an alternative.
Fitted jerseys and t-shirts are one thing but changing the color scheme entirely is a whole different animal. If the team's colors are pink, then by all means wear pink. In the case that your team's colors are pink I would hope that you wear pink to support your team. But if your team's colors are red and white or blue and yellow, pink is not an alternative to those colors. When you see a sea of Red and White in the crowd at Joe Louis Arena that's for a reason. The reason is the people are representing the Wings by wearing their team colors. Pink is not one of their team colors. Pink is not any NHL team's color.
Please, Take your jersey fashion advice from Nick.
If he's not wearing a pink/sparkly/glitterized/flashy/girly hockey jersey, then neither should you.
Including legends into the new video game? I approve. Making it so legends can switch teams and play for any team? Disapprove. Big time. You can put Steve Yzerman on any team you want. No. Just no. Steve Yzerman only wore one jersey in the NHL and that was the Winged wheel and now you're going to let some douche canoe put him in a Pittsburgh jersey or an Avs jersey? Gordie Howe only played for two teams. One is the Red Wings and the other no longer exists. But now we can just throw Gordie on the Sharks or Coyotes and it's cool? No thanks.
What should have happened:
Pick talented former players from all teams and make those player available to those teams. So maybe it would be: Yzerman and Howe for the Wings, Sakic and Roy for the Avs, Chris Chelios and Stan Mikita for the Hawks. Perhaps allow any team those players played for in their career to pick them.
For example: Chris Chelios played for Montreal, Chicago, Detroit, and the former Thrashers. So make him available to those teams and those teams only. Steve Yzerman only played for the Red Wings so make him available only for Detroit. Patrick Roy played for Montreal and Colorado, So allow the Avs and Habs to pick him.
Players that have moved around quite a bit would have lots of teams to choose from. For instance, Brett Hull could be played for the Flames, Blues, Stars, Wings, and Coyotes. Luc Robitaille could be played for the Kings, Penguins, Rangers, and Wings.
I understand that some teams don't have the history that others do. Some teams haven't had the quality of players that others have. However, those teams need to make their own history. Develop their own legends, not take the legends from other teams. If a team doesn't have an All-Star former player, then no legend would be available. It's no offense against the newer teams, but you can't just fake history where it didn't happen.
Maybe players don't need harsh critics. Maybe players don't need adoring fans. Maybe players don't need jackhole bloggers telling them how to live their lives. Maybe all players need is their own personal "Eskimos". I've lost a few in that terminology, I'm sure. Many variations of this story have been around for quite a while but this is the variation that I'm referring to.
A man is sitting in a bar when a priest walks in. The man says to the priest, "Don't waste your time here. I happen to know there's no God."
Priest says, "Yeah, how's that?"
The man says, "I was exploring the north pole once. I got blinded in a snow storm during my time there. I was blinded and freezing to death and I prayed, 'If there's a God, save me now.' And, God didn't come."
The priest says, "How's that? You're alive. He must have saved you?"
"God never showed up. An Eskimo came along and took me back to his camp and saved me."
So I say again, maybe all players need is their own personal "Eskimos". The ones that save them from themselves and their demons. The ones that are there for them when no one else is. Hockey may be a family when tragedies come along but, during the year, it's mostly segregated sides watching battles of a year long war for the coveted prize.
Darren McCarty has "Eskimos". Now I do not know all the circumstances surrounding everything that has gone on in former Red Wing Darren McCarty's life. Truly, No one but Darren himself does. I do, however, believe that Kris Draper and Darren's ex-wife were Darren McCarty's "Eskimos". Darren's ex-wife was the "Eskimo" that opened his eyes and saved him from himself with merely just words. Kris Draper was the "Eskimo" that helped Darren work towards his goal of coming back to the NHL a few years ago. You see, players need people there to support them. They need people to be there for them when fans aren't around and the bright lights of the biggest stage in hockey have dimmed.
Players don't always struggle publicly as DMac did. Sometimes players keep the battles in their lives unknown to the public but very known to the people around them. I just hope that each of those players struggling with demons find their "Eskimos" and get saved rather than fall victim to their demons.
While looking through photos from various hippie gatherings across the world looking for a specific photo, I came across this photo. This picture was taken at the Rainbow Gathering in Russia.
Boy, that guy looks awfully familiar. Really... Familiar...
I know. I know. I know. Going after the crazies again? Yes. Yes I am. And with good reason too.
I came across a person's post that said something to the effect of:
"Walking past [a certain player's] house. Should I go knock on the door?"
Are you crazy or stupid? Or crazy stupid? Why in the world would you ever think about that, LET ALONE, post it?
Some players have KIDS and WIVES. You know, happy little FAMILIES! STOP. JUST STOP. Nowhere did any player sign up for a creepy young girl to stalk them. That's not in their contracts. Being passionate is one thing. I appreciate passionate. I understand passionate. But stupid crazy? That's a whole different animal. There are boundaries. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed. Visiting players' houses uninvited? Definitely on the no list. Actually it's on the "Fuck no! What are you stupid? I'm calling the cops!" list.
Please girls, if you find yourself about to do this, don't. It makes me sick that anyone would even bother invading a person's personal space like that. I would be just as offended if someone said "Walking past JennHo's house. Should I go knock on the door?" if I didn't know you. All the crazies that feel the need to do insane things to get to a player's attention should join a support group. Perhaps call it "Crazy Hockey Girls Not-So-Anonymous" and get treatment for your problems. Because, stalking players, is a problem. A big, sick problem.
I've spoken many times about how much I love twitter. In the off chance you missed it, it's a whole lot. Many still fight the urge to join twitter. They say they just don't get it. But I assure you, you don't have to get it to join it.
Twitter is one of the only outlets that lets you talk to players, sportscasters, fellow fans of your team, and fans of opposing teams. Where can you chirp BizNasty and have him sometimes chirp back? That would be twitter. Where can you express your gratitude and admiration for DMac to DMac? That would be twitter. Where can you get all the latest contract news and breaking hockey news? That would also be twitter. For hockey fans, Twitter is an amazing resource that some aren't taking advantage of.
It's all in who you follow. If you follow two people that you knew from high school who don't particularly tweet then twitter probably won't be much fun for you. If you follow a bunch of like-minded hockey fans and players that interest you along with writers who write articles you read and broadcasters you watch continuously then twitter will be fun.
Most all of the NHL official team twitter accounts as well as the NHL's own twitter have contests that they do. You can win anything from t-shirts to signed memorabilia. The NHL, as a whole, has found ways to gain and keep followers by making it more than just an information source. The contests give you extra incentive to join.
As with any social media outlet there is a human factor. With the human factor comes drama. Keep in mind, if you don't like what someone has to say, you don't have to follow them. There is no rule that fans have to follow each other just because they share the love of the same team. Just like there is no rule that bloggers have to follow each other just because we blog about the same team. Although most bloggers do follow each other as a courtesy, it is not a requirement. The great thing about twitter is you choose who you want to know about. Just because someone follows you, it doesn't mean you have to follow back if they don't interest you. It's not like facebook where it has to go both ways.
As with anything, I just challenge you to try it. You might not like it and quit. Or you might end up like me. I've made some of the most amazing friends, talked to some of the best hockey minds, interacted with some of the world's best players, and had a lot of fun along the way.
A while ago, I had a newer Wings fan asking me questions about the Wings and their history. After several minutes of random questions, the fan asked me the question that has been in the back of my mind for months. "What's the big deal about that Konstantinov guy, anyways?"
My original thinking was: How could these newer fans not know? Why aren't they educating themselves on the history of our team? They know about the fight night... How could they not know about Vladdy?
Vladdy was a great defenseman known for an aggressive style not often associated with Russian players coming out of the Soviet programs. Not only an aggressor, Vladdy was a defensive force and had a touch for being on the ice at the right time. In 1996, Vladdy won the plus/minus award with a +60 rating on the season. Vladdy was the first player since Gretzky to hit a +60 rating (Wayne had +70 in 1987). No player since has tied or beaten Vladdy's plus/minus rating making him the only player in the to reach that number in the past 23 seasons. Although Vladdy never won a Norris trophy, He did receive a nomination. In what would be his final season, Vladdy was the runner up.
Many argue that Vladdy wasn't that great but Nicklas Lidstrom would beg to differ. In interviews, when questioned about who was the better player, Nick has said "At the time of the accident, I thought he was the better player of the two." Nick also said if the accident hadn't happened, "He would have had lots of years in this league with lots of success too." When the defenseman highly regarded as the best defenseman of our generation and perhaps all-time says that he believed that a player was better than him, you stand up and take notice. We will never know what Vladdy's career would have been like if the accident had never happened. Maybe Nick would still be an alternate captain and we would be celebrating another Norris Trophy win for our captain the Vladinator. A person could drive themselves crazy with the "what if"s.
The accident shook our fanbase and organization to it's core. One of our brightest stars dimmed by a series of unfortunate events. Seeing the players that were once celebrating a Stanley Cup win then camp out at a hospital to visit and check on their teammate was not how the summer was supposed to go. The accident still haunts many that remember the details oh so vividly. But as a testament to the resilience of the Detroit Red Wings, They used Vladdy as the thing to fight for. The reason for winning. When the team won the Stanley Cup in 1998, they recognized him as part of the team and had his name engraved on the Cup. When they one, Vladdy was brought the cup in his wheel chair and wheeled around the ice with the aid of his Russian five counterparts. To this day, Vladdy is still included in all major Red Wing celebrations. From cup wins to retirement ceremonies, Vladdy is still present. I personally will never forget the cheers and cheering as loud as I could during the Steve Yzerman retirement ceremony when Vladdy took to the ice. A moment like that sticks with someone.
If Steve Yzerman is the heart of our organization, Then Vladdy is the soul. The Wings still have a locker for Vladdy despite the cruel reality that he will never be capable of playing hockey again. When one of the biggest names in hockey, Brett Hull, came to Detroit he had spent the majority of his career wearing the number 16. Brett changed his number to 17 for his years with Detroit. Why? Because unofficially, Vladdy's number is retired. No player has, and I believe, ever will wear the number 16 with the Detroit Red Wings for the rest of this organization's future. Over 50 players have worn the Winged Wheel with the number 16 but only one will be remembered for it. Long after the accident, Vladdy still remains a huge part of this organization's drive. Respect and love are still shown to our fallen Wing. I'm not sure if I've been able to articulate how important Vladdy is or was but not a season goes by without remembering who he was and how special he is.
I announced a couple days ago that the "Jackhole of the Week" was making a triumphant return and that today would be the return post. I intended on using someone else for the jackhole but then my hipster homeboy, Sean Avery, came through for me. So without any further ado, the Jackhole of the Week.
SEAN AVERY
Sean Avery was arrested today for shoving a police officer. The police were responding to a neighbor's complaint of loud music during a party at Sean's house. Reportedly- Sean called them "fat little pigs", told them to come back without their badges, shoved a cop and slammed the door behind him. After slamming the door in the cops' faces, Sean then came to his senses and cooperated with law enforcement. Sean was held on $20,000 bail for the charge of battery on a peace officer. Sean was released on bond and must go to court in early September regarding the matter. Assaulting police officers is wrong. There. I said it. I did the proper politically correct thing.
For some odd reason I feel the need to stick up for Sean, even just a little bit. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he started his career here in Detroit. I'm not sure if that's it but nevertheless I tend to defend that hipster fashion-forward forward. There is no excuse for what Sean did and I'm not trying to make any but everyone should stop acting like it's the end of the world or that they are so shocked that Sean lost his temper. Everyone knows that Sean has had issues with his temper. It's no secret. No one was trying to hide that fact. Obviously, Sean lost his temper. Was shoving the cop wrong? Of course and I'm sure Sean will not deny that fact when he's in court. If reports are true, it was one shove. Sean did not lay the guy out or beat the fuck out of him and we are not sure what the cops said to Sean. Let's face it, Cops occasionally run their mouths and sometimes cops are dicks. (If any cops from the Eastpointe Police Department are reading this... I'm clearly not talking about any of you... Honest... You're all angels... I swear...) Provocation is no excuse for assault but it stands to reason that something might have occurred in the exchange between the cops and Sean to set the altercation off. Also, It was 1:00 am and Sean was having a party. Perhaps alcohol played a part in the incident as well. Alcohol, as we all know, impairs judgement. So with that impaired judgement, perhaps Sean didn't use his anger management techniques like he would have in a sober situation.
Any way you look at it, Sean was wrong. He shouldn't have laid a hand on the officer. Sean will have to deal with the consequences of his actions. I just hope that the NHL doesn't decide to step in on this matter. Patrick Kane was involved in an assault and theft case and was not suspended. Granted, Kaner doesn't have the track record that Avery has but if you're not going to suspend one-you shouldn't suspend the other. But with Gary Bettman running the show, I'm sure Sean will face minimal charges with the state of California and maximum charges with Il Duce.
I usually try to start every day by watching some sort of hockey related video prior to really getting into my day. Whether it be some sick stick handling by Pavel Datsyuk, A funny interview, or a fight; I usually like to get a hockey fix every day in the summer. It makes a longer than planned summer a little bit easier to get through. I've found that watching the hits and fights I tend to get pumped up for a great day.
Unlike some that believe that fighting and hitting should be removed from the game, I love them. A great goal, Great saves by my goalie, Some nice clean hits, A fight, A win, and a beer and we've got ourselves a good night in my book. So I invite you to start your day off like I do with some classic Red Wings fights and hits.
(1:17 is my favorite broadcaster moment "HERE COMES CHEVELDAE" Classic.)
