Funny Hockey T-Shirts

I'm totally loving funny hockey related t-shirts.

(With the exception of the last one that PAINED me to even include as a Wings fan)

Because it's true


Because it could be the logo for Red Wings Twitter After Dark convos


Because... well... duh

Because I've said it

Because Star Wars + Red Wings = A Nerd's Dream

Because twins are fascinating... sorta

Because it's true

Because the hate does flow

Because everyone likes to make fun of Toronto

Because his face is hilarious

Because all non-Wings fans I talked to said this was funny.

(I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS T-SHIRT DESIGN)

All t-shirt designs property of either Pucking Hilarious or Glass Bangers

Hockey Players say the darndest things

“Speaking of groins… PJ Stock” -Ron Maclean with the best segway in hockey (Ron's not a player but it sure was funny)

“Typical of most French guys in our league with a visor on, running around and playing tough and not back anything up.” –Sean Avery

“People think common sense is common - but it's not.” –Don Cherry

“You're the reason the league doesn't have a national television deal. You're a (terrible) announcer and you were a (terrible) player.” –Sean Avery on Former NHL goalie Brian Hayward

"How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?" -Jacques Plante

"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out." -Rodney Dangerfield

“He should be worried about playing the game, not innovating it. He thinks he's Brett Hull or something. You should remind him that he didn't go to college. He's a junior (hockey) guy. So he's not that bright." -Garth Snow, Islanders’ goalie and university graduate, after hearing Jeremy Roenick’s complaints about the officiating in a Flyers-Islanders game

"It's not my fault (Snow) didn't have any other options coming out of high school. If going to college gets you a career backup goaltender job, and my route gets you a thousand points and a thousand games, and compare the two contracts, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whose decision was better." -Roenick, Flyers’ center and graduate of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, responds

"I just don't know what to think. I play in Colorado, they tell me they like me, and I get traded. I play in Calgary, and at the end of the season the GM tells me he likes me, and I get traded. I just hope my fiancee doesn't tell me she likes me." -Chris Drury, after a July trade from Calgary to Buffalo

“We can't have stupidity in our locker room and we can't have stupidity on the ice. The stupidity has all been used up plus some in the NHL this year. The stupidity meter is broken."
- Flyers' center Jeremy Roenick (Sun media, April 2)

“"He asked that Mr. Bettman and Mr. Goodenow know that they are 'skunks' for denying him the pleasure of watching the NHL on TV this year. He also asked that Mr. Bettman step aside and give Wayne Gretzky the job that rightfully belongs to him." -From the obituary for Archie Bennitz, a hockey fan who died in January at the age of 84. Bennitz asked that a message to the NHL be included in his death notice. (Ottawa Citizen, Jan. 21)

"I'm not sure, I wasn't really paying attention, but I think he was trying to get out of the game." -Philadelphia captain Keith Primeau, after Flyers' goaltender Roman Cechmanek skated to centre ice and started yelling at his team's bench during the fourth game of the Ottawa-Philadelphia series

"Let's put it this way: if one of my brothers were standing in front of the bus last night and we were about to leave and he was on the other team, I'd have run over him. I wouldn't have called out first to ask him to get out of the way, either. That's my mentality, that's the way it is. I don't really care." -Blackhawks' coach Brian Sutter, during the Chicago-St. Louis series


"We should all just go outside, lie on our backs and look at the clouds. We have a better chance of figuring out the clouds then what's going on in this dressing room." - Chris Osgood confounded by the Wings and Scotty Bowman

In Chicago, Bob Probert crashed his motorcycle into a car. According to police reports, his blood-alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit and he told officers: "Just charge me with the usual."


Dan Patrick: "Brett, do you catch flak for listing crossword puzzles as a hobby?"
Brett Hull: "What Dan? Do I catch flak because I AM SO MUCH SMARTER than everybody else?"

“Trade Steve Yzerman? That's like asking me if I want to trade my son Jason for the kid next door." - Jacques Demers

"The top three worst things I've seen in hockey? The invention of the trap. The invention of the morning skate. And the invention of the extremely ugly uniform." -Brett Hull's analysis of the game

“It looks great and I see they used Domi's actual sized head for the model" -Roenick when asked what he thought of the new design at Center Ice in Chicago

Brendan Shanahan is ALWAYS good for a nice quote... or twelve

"Over the years, Steve has come to understand I need the clicker. He says it's my security blanket." –Brendan Shanahan

The day after getting 40 stitches over his right eye because of a body-check from behind by Peter Forsberg, journalists ask the Red Wings winger if he plans on wearing a visor to protect his eyes “No I won’t. Don Cherry will be happy but my wife will be ticked off."

"You know, there's nothing better than making yourself dinner and watching Thursday night TV. Also, I just got a computer. And I'm fanatical about doing the laundry. There's nothing better than a stack of fresh, clean clothes. Except maybe a good movie. You know that creepy-looking guy you stare at two seats behind you, thinking who would come to a movie by himself? That's me." - Brendan Shanahan

“Watching a shootout is like admitting you watch Survivor or search the internet for porn." -Brendan Shanahan

"I don't understand why I can't hit that ball. I mean it's this big, slow, ball & I just can't hit the thing. Maybe if I could run the bases with the bat in my hand I would enjoy it more. I could hit players as I go by, you know just a little cuff in the chin & maybe catch the next guy behind the ear." - Brendan Shanahan on softball

NHL Sex Acts?!?

#NHLSexActs became a trending topic worldwide yesterday. Taking something about a player and making it dirty isn't new... but it's FREAKING HILARIOUS!


Here are just some of the amazingly funny #NHLSexActs:

The Derek Roy: Go down even though she did nothing to warrant it.

The Marian Hossa: You keep whoring yourself out and wonder why you never get a ring.

The Patrick Roy: Perform terribly; don't pull out; throw up your arms in mock celebration; then accuse her of humiliating you.

The Vancouver Canucks Fan: Tell the Leaf fan how great you are despite being a virgin that's just overcompensating.

The Pierre McGuire: She compensates for being useless by making loud noises and calling you a monster.

The Lanny McDonald: Mustache rides are not optional.

The Senators fan: Something boring, in a motel outside of town.

Montreal'n it: Rigorous public masturbation accompanied by an "Ole" chant.

The Dominic Hasek: Flop around for 60 minutes and then blame everyone else involved for overall performance and satisfaction unless it was great, then take all credit

The Jacques Plante: Getting shot in the face so hard... she needs to put a mask on

The Pavel Datsyuk: Dangle, dangle, then pull it away and slap her in the face with it

The Henrik Sedin: Good by himself, better with his twin around to help.

The Marc-Andre Fleury: Gets in lots of interesting positions, but sometimes you wish he'd keep things simple.

The Niklas Kronwall: All of a sudden you're flat on your back, and everything hurts

The Chris Chelios: When it goes on way longer than it probably should have with no end in sight.

The Evander Kane: Won't take long before you're going down.

The Rangers: You overpay for the best girl, she disappoints, you send her to Canada

The Brian Rolston: Big shot, but can never get it in

The Kovalchuk: Everyone watches your smooth moves, but with all eyes on you, you can't seem to finish.

The Sean Avery: Sloppy firsts.

The Daniel Carcillo: Otherwise known as the Dirty Sanchez.

The Sidney Crosby: Pretty much the same as the Alex Ovechkin... only it lasts a lot longer.

The Patrick Kane: Suitable for Buffalo prostitutes with change purses

The Don Cherry: No foreigners.

The Mark Messier: When your mans got tremendous stamina and technique but you gotta deal with all of that crying when it's all over.

The Ollie Jokinen: He looks great from afar but you'd gnaw your own arm off to be rid of him once he's in your bed

The Martin Brodeur: Keeps going for a long, long time despite other people saying that they shouldn't. Ends up tiring out before the climax

The Danny Briere: ... Let's just say that to some, size DOES matter

The Luongo: On your knees, blowing the game

The Drew Miller: You enjoy it, but you’re thinking about his brother the whole time

The Detroit Red Wings: Just when you think it's all over, they go at it harder than ever

Actual DET/TOR call "Cheveldae's down on all fours, but Gilmour can't get it up!!"
Jeff Marek of Hockey Night In Canada came up with this one.

Below are a few that I came up with:

The Marian Hossa: Choking when you're almost there

The Ovechkin: Screwed by Canadians from Vancouver to Montreal

The Dan Boyle: Don't screw his Goalie... THAT’S HIS JOB!

The Pavel Datsyuk: Got'cha undressed before you even knew what happened

The Kris Draper: Gettin’ it all for a dollar

The Brett Hull: Always making the Europeans do the work and finishing it

The Dion Phaneuf: Sloppy Seconds always welcome